i think youre looking for someone different. someone who is already what you want them to be
What to Expect For in a Partner
The question "what are you looking for in a relationship partner?" may seem like an like shooting fish in a barrel i to reply. Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. No matter what we think we're looking for in a partner, the people nosotros wind upward choosing don't necessarily match our criteria for an ideal companion. The reason for this is very elementary; we don't always desire what nosotros say nosotros want.
The laws of allure aren't always fair. We may remember we are looking for a partner who complements the states only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are often drawn to people who complement u.s. in negative means equally well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional luggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships. We choose partners who fit in with subversive patterns, not because we bask them, but considering they're familiar.
When choosing a life partner, information technology's of import to suspension complimentary from harmful tendencies from our past. Consider the people you lot've previously chosen to exist with and recall most why it didn't work out. Were they likewise controlling? Passive? Jealous? Elusive? Did they make you lot feel a way yous felt in your by? Did the state of affairs mirror a dynamic from your babyhood?
While nosotros can't know for certain all the skilful and bad characteristics our partner will bring to the table when we first meet them, there are certain universal traits you might want to look for in a relationship partner that volition ensure a happier outcome. No person is perfect, of form, only here are 8 key qualities to expect for in a partner:
1. Emotional Maturity
Every person comes equipped with flaws and emotional baggage. Seeking perfection is an idle search. Instead, what y'all should look for in a partner is emotional maturity. This means someone who is willing to remember and larn virtually themselves, who is open to reflecting on the past and evolving in the present. This certain someone should exist non-reactive, in the sense that they think before they human activity. They don't let their instant emotions rule their actions. They are independent and cocky-assured, which ways they aren't looking to you lot to fix or complete them.
2. Openness
Along with emotional maturity, ane of the things to look for in a partner is an openness to feedback. Non merely should your partner exist interested in changing his or her own self-limiting behaviors, simply he or she should exist open to hearing what you have to say. Open and honest communication is vital to sustaining a close relationship. When a person puts up a wall that says, "I am unwilling to listen and unwilling to change," there is really little room for growth on both your parts. When a couple is willing to openly communicate about themselves and their feelings and reactions to each other, they avert building a case and creating tensions that later tear them apart. Past beingness resilient and hearing each other out, they construct a solid foundation for a workable relationship that is sure to evolve over time.
iii. Honesty
While deception is generally frowned upon, lying is sadly common in many relationships. Some couples believe they need lies to survive, yet research shows that lying less is linked to better relationships. Existence able to trust is then important when choosing a life partner. Await for someone whose actions meet their words and someone who is open nearly how they experience. It'due south meliorate to exist with someone who will tell yous what's on their mind, even revealing that they're attracted to someone else, than to make those topics taboo or off limits, which can create an air of secrecy. Fifty-fifty when the truth is difficult to take, it'south in your best interest to actually know your partner. Someone who hides aspects of themselves tin can leave you feeling insecure and mistrusting.
4. Respectful and Sensitive
One of the nearly valuable qualities to look for in a partner is respect. When you find someone who encourages you to be yourself, you tin feel secure in your relationship, yet independent inside yourself. It's easy to feel loved when someone encourages you lot to do what lights you up and makes you happy. This same person may exist willing to challenge y'all when you're engaging in self-destructive attitudes and behaviors. This attuned fashion of relating is both sensitive and respectful of who you are every bit an private, separate from your partner. When someone appreciates you and takes an interest in the things yous are passionate about, you can really share life with this person, while standing to pursue your unique interests.
five. Contained
People oftentimes make the mistake of thinking that a human relationship is a way for 2 people to get i. Attempting to merge your identity with someone else is not only bad for you lot, but bad for the relationship. When couples fall into routine and forego their contained attraction to each other, things tend to go south. Real relating is replaced with an illusion of connection or "fantasy bond." This sense of fusion subdues the passion in a relationship. By maintaining your individuality: enjoying separate interests along with interests you lot share with your partner, keeping your outside friendships and ever trying new things, you lot keep romance and attraction alive.
half dozen. Compassionate
In addition to beingness a good communicator, yous should look for a partner who is compassionate. It'southward fortunate to find someone who is willing to hear out and relate to your struggles. When you have a partner who aims to understand and feel for what you experience, y'all are able to be more vulnerable and reveal more aspects of yourself. Pity is one of the most important homo traits, and yous should strive to discover a partner who tin can easily feel for other people.
7. Physically Affectionate
One of the symptoms of a "fantasy bond" involves a lack of affection and sexuality between a couple. Physical affection is an important office of life. Information technology is a way people stay continued and close to those they love. Keeping your relationship vital and intimate is part of making love last. Information technology's important to choose a partner who accepts dearest and affection, who is as well giving of dearest, affection and acknowledgment. Your sexuality is a role of y'all that shouldn't fade with fourth dimension. Keeping your feelings alive means expressing them verbally and physically.
8. Funny
Sense of sense of humour is as important every bit it's made out to be. Laughter is the best medicine when it comes to most things, but specially relationships. Someone who is happy to just hang out, have fun and laugh with you is someone worth sticking with. Being easy-going and willing to laugh at yourself are highly beneficial characteristics to look for in a partner. A person who is lighthearted tin can be well worth getting serious with.
When we consider the many things to expect for in a partner, each of us will have a different idea of what's of import. We may be drawn to more specific traits like inventiveness or piece of work ethic, green thumbs or blue eyes. Yet, choosing people who strive to live by the qualities listed above volition help ensure our best chance at happiness in our relationship.
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Tags: characteristics of an ideal partner, dating, platonic partner, relationship advice, relationships, incorrect human relationship choices
Source: https://www.psychalive.org/what-to-look-for-in-a-partner/
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